Have you ever been told there’s no way you can be that happy all the time? Or no one is that positive! Or maybe, no one smiles that often…
I have. But, I’ve also been that person who even if I didn’t say those things I certainly thought them!
The environment I grew up in was mostly set on always looking out for where things could go wrong and inevitably when they did go wrong the response was of course. This pattern played out over and over again throughout my life, so much so that I could never really experience Joy because I was always waiting for “the other shoe to drop”.
A couple of weeks ago when I mentioned my decision that changed my life and the consequent shift in my mindset, this is one of the areas that required a lot of focus.
Because what do you do when something doesn’t go your way? What happens when things don’t turn out the way you expect?
For me, the default reaction was of course it didn’t go my way, things ‘never’ work out the way I expect or want. But what I learned was that reaction was in my control. I didn’t have to react that way, it was just a habit. A habit which I hadn’t deliberately chosen to create.
Once I learned this, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. I started to really observe myself. My thought patterns, my reactions, the emotions I was experiencing. And those that I didn’t want to have or experience I deliberately and methodically worked to change.
And I won’t tell you it was easy, nor will I tell you that I’ve 100% broken the ‘bad’ habit. Particularly if I’m tired, or hungry!!! However, what I will say is that there have been a few actions that help me the most.
1. I smile at myself in the mirror at least once a day (even when I don’t feel like it) and try as hard as I can to always smile (appropriately) while engaging with others. There are quite a few studies that show that smiling can trick your brain into happiness — and boost your health.
2. When an emotion comes up that I would rather not experience e.g. anger at my children. I try to take a step back and understand the meaning I’ve attached to the situation (the cause of the emotion) and change the meaning so I can experience a different emotion that I choose.
3. “Trade Expectation for Appreciation“, I love this guidance by Tony Robbins and use it often. Usually when I feel disappointed by something, I realise I was expecting a certain outcome. I immediately then try to turn that expectation into appreciation for the event, situation or thing and my whole perspective shifts.
With the combination of the above, my old pattern of negativity has definitely faded into the background. I have and I’m sure will continue to be challenged by events that will require much more work on my mindset. I certainly don’t delude myself that life is a ‘bed of roses’ but I do know that I am in control of how I choose to experience what life has to offer, and I choose to smile 😀
I have had (and still do have) so many people helping me on my journey of self-development, I’d love to help you on yours. Let me know if you’d like to chat!
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