Let’s be honest, speaking confidently and commanding attention might feel like trying to tame a room full of cats—chaotic and downright impossible. But here’s the truth: confidence isn’t a mythical unicorn; it’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned, honed, and mastered. If your current reality involves dodging opportunities to speak up or battling a chorus of nerves every time you’re in the spotlight, keep reading. Together, we’ll unravel the art of confident communication and how to claim your rightful seat at the table.
Why Does Confidence Feel So Elusive?
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just sound as sure of myself as [insert your favourite charismatic speaker]?”—you’re not alone. The truth is, most people struggle with confidence not because they lack ability but because they’ve convinced themselves they don’t belong. Cue the dreaded impostor feelings: that nagging voice whispering, “Who are you to think you’re good enough?”
I’ve been there. Years ago, I found myself in a high-stakes corporate meeting, heart pounding, palms sweating, feeling like a fraud among the “big players.” What saved me wasn’t a magic spell but a shift in perspective and a structured approach that anyone can replicate.
Step 1: Flip the Script on Nervousness
Let’s start with a reframe. Nervousness isn’t the enemy; it’s proof that you care. But left unchecked, it morphs into a thief, robbing you of clarity and presence. The good news? You can take control.
Practical Tip: Turn nervous energy into focus by grounding yourself before speaking. Try this: take a slow, deep breath in through your nose for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale through your mouth for six counts. Repeat a few times. This simple technique calms your nervous system and shifts your mind from panic to purpose.
Step 2: Own Your Expertise
Ever noticed how confident people have a knack for making even mundane topics sound fascinating? It’s not just charisma; it’s preparation. When you know your stuff, you speak with authority.
One of my clients once lamented, “But what if someone asks a question I can’t answer?” My response? It’s not about knowing everything—it’s about knowing enough. People respect honesty. If you’re caught off guard, a simple “That’s an interesting question. Let me gather more information and get back to you” works wonders.
Practical Tip: Before any speaking opportunity, outline your key points and practice them aloud. Focus on the “why” behind your message—why it matters to your audience and why you’re the right person to deliver it.
Step 3: Find Your Authentic Voice
Here’s a secret: You don’t have to be someone you’re not to exude confidence. In fact, trying to mimic someone else often backfires, making you seem inauthentic. Confidence is about being at ease with yourself.
Think about someone you admire who speaks with authority. Chances are, their secret weapon is authenticity. They’re not trying to dazzle you with perfection—they’re connecting with you as a human being. That’s the key.
Practical Tip: Develop your personal “power phrase”—a line you can say to yourself that reminds you of your value. Mine is: “I have earned my seat at this table, and I have something worth sharing.” Try it; it’s like a pep talk from your future self.
Step 4: Command the Room with Presence
Confidence isn’t just about what you say; it’s how you carry yourself. Your body language speaks volumes before you utter a word. Are you slouching or avoiding eye contact? You’re sending a silent message that you’re not fully present.
One trick I use when stepping into a room (physical or virtual!) is to pause and take in my surroundings, then smile. It might seem small, but that moment of grounding allows me to project calm and authority—even when my inner voice is less sure.
Practical Tip: Practice power poses before high-stakes moments. Stand tall with your feet shoulder-width apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back. Hold for two minutes. This isn’t just feel-good fluff; research shows it can actually increase feelings of confidence.
Step 5: Build Confidence Through Action
If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: action breeds confidence. Waiting until you “feel ready” to speak confidently is like waiting for rain in the desert. You grow by doing.
One of my breakthrough moments came when I said yes to delivering a presentation I felt completely unprepared for. Was it perfect? Not at all. But I learned more in those 20 minutes than in months of waiting on the sidelines.
Practical Tip: Start small. Volunteer to lead a team meeting, ask a question at a conference, or share your thoughts in a group discussion. Each step outside your comfort zone builds the muscle of confidence.
Step 6: Embrace Feedback
Here’s a hard pill to swallow: confident speakers aren’t afraid of feedback—they crave it. Why? Because they understand that growth happens on the other side of discomfort.
Early in my career, I used to dread performance reviews, thinking they were all about pointing out flaws. But when I started approaching feedback as a gift, everything changed. Each critique became an opportunity to refine my skills and enhance my confidence.
Practical Tip: After any speaking engagement, ask a trusted colleague or mentor, “What’s one thing I did well, and what’s one thing I could improve?” Listen without defensiveness and implement the insights.
Step 7: Celebrate Wins, Big and Small
Finally, don’t forget to give yourself credit. Confidence doesn’t come from one big leap but from celebrating every small victory along the way. Did you speak up in a meeting today? That’s a win. Did you hold your ground during a tough conversation? Another win.
Practical Tip: One of my favourite rituals is reflecting on my day and jotting down one thing I’m proud of. It’s a small act, but it rewires your brain to focus on progress rather than perfection.
The Bottom Line: Confidence Is Within Reach
Confidence isn’t reserved for the extroverted, the loudest voice in the room, or those who seem to ooze self-assurance naturally. It’s a mindset—a muscle you build through repeated effort and intentional practice. And yes, sometimes that muscle feels weak or shaky, especially when the stakes are high. But here’s the beauty of it: every time you push through the discomfort, you’re laying another brick in the foundation of your self-belief.
But let’s get real—confidence doesn’t magically appear because you’ve read a list of tips or imagined yourself as a polished speaker. It’s in the doing. It’s in the moments when you decide to speak up in the meeting, even though your heart is racing. It’s in practising your speech for the fifth time, knowing the first four attempts felt awkward. Confidence comes alive not in the absence of fear but in the decision to move forward anyway.
This journey isn’t about striving for perfection or becoming someone you’re not. It’s about stepping into the fullness of who you already are. Because confidence isn’t about being the loudest—it’s about being authentic, purposeful, and present.
Every step you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to the version of yourself you want to become. Confidence is about consistently showing up, not waiting for the stars to align or for your nerves to magically disappear. It’s about saying to yourself, “I might not be perfect, but I am prepared, present, and willing to grow.”
Real Talk: You’ve Got This
There’s a moment in everyone’s life when they realise the only thing standing between them and the life they want is the story they’re telling themselves. If your story right now is full of “I’m not ready,” “I don’t belong,” or “What if I mess up?”—it’s time for a rewrite.
Imagine this: the next time you’re called to speak, you take a deep breath, walk into the room, and deliver your message with poise. You make eye contact. You own your pauses. And when you finish, the applause isn’t just polite—it’s heartfelt. People lean in to tell you how impactful your words were. How? Because you dared to step into your power and silence the little voice that said you couldn’t.
A Personal Reminder
Let me leave you with a piece of my journey. Years ago, I was standing on a stage at a TEDx event, staring out at hundreds of faces. My knees were trembling, and my mind raced with every possible worst-case scenario. But then, I remembered why I was there: to share something meaningful, something only I could say in my way.
As I spoke, I felt my nerves transform into energy. I saw heads nodding, felt the connection in the room, and realised this wasn’t about perfection—it was about presence. That moment taught me that the most important ingredient in confident speaking isn’t expertise or polish—it’s heart.
So, if you’re ready to step into your own spotlight, know this: you already have everything you need. The confidence you seek is on the other side of small, intentional actions. Start today. Speak up. Lean in. And when in doubt, remember: you’ve got this.
Your Next Step: Practice Makes Progress
Now that you’ve got the tools, it’s time to put them into action. Pick one tip from this list and apply it this week. Maybe it’s preparing for a meeting with a power pose or saying yes to an opportunity to speak when you’d normally shy away. Whatever it is, take that step.
As you do, remind yourself confidence isn’t about being fearless—it’s about acting in spite of fear. And the more you do, the more your confidence will grow, not as an abstract ideal but as a lived reality.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success. So, what are you waiting for? Go out there and own the room. You were born to shine.
If this has been useful for you I’d love you to share it with your friends or anyone else you think may find it useful.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
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