Picture this: you’ve finally landed that high-profile role you once dreamed about. The title, the paycheck, the corner office—check, check, check. And yet, there’s this persistent whisper in the back of your mind: “Is this it?” If you’ve ever felt that tug of dissatisfaction right after achieving something monumental, you’re not alone.
Hedonic adaptation—the sneaky biological process that causes us to return to a baseline level of happiness after positive events—explains why our latest win quickly becomes yesterday’s news. No matter how many checkboxes you tick off, there’s always another one waiting in the wings.
John D. Rockefeller once famously said when asked how much money was enough, “Just a little bit more.” That statement perfectly captures the human tendency to constantly move the goalpost. Our biology conspires against us—no win ever quite satiates.
But this isn’t just about money. It’s about everything. The dream house becomes too small. The dream car feels outdated. The dream job starts to feel like… just a job.
So, how do we escape this exhausting loop?
The “Castle in the Air” Syndrome
There’s a timeless poem by Jean de La Fontaine that perfectly captures the modern struggle:
“How many folks, in country and in town,
Neglect their principal affair;
And let, for want of due repair,
A real house fall down,
To build a castle in the air?”
We all have a “real house”—the life we’re currently living, with its mix of achievements, relationships, and blessings. But too often, we focus so intensely on that elusive castle in the air—the next big thing—that we let the very foundation of our lives crumble.
Think about it:
- The house you once pined for now feels cramped.
- The car that was your pride and joy? It’s “just transportation” now.
- The vacation you couldn’t wait for? Stressful, expensive, and never quite the fantasy you envisioned.
- The engagement ring that made your heart skip a beat? It’s “a bit small” now.
This isn’t greed. It’s biology. Our minds are wired for more. But the problem is, “more” doesn’t necessarily equate to meaningful.
The Corporate Ladder Isn’t the Only Climb
In male-dominated industries, especially for multicultural executive women, the chase for “more” is not just internal—it’s systemic. The unwritten rules often push women to work twice as hard for half the recognition. Success becomes a constant proving ground.
But here’s the twist: even after climbing the corporate ladder, many women I coach tell me they still feel stuck—emotionally drained, unfulfilled, and yes, sometimes like impostors despite all their achievements.
This is where the concept of hedonic adaptation hits hardest. When society’s benchmarks of success don’t align with your inner values, no amount of external validation will fill that void.
Recognising the “Real House” Before It Crumbles
So, how do we stop chasing castles and start strengthening our real house?
- Pause and Reflect
In the hustle, we forget to take stock. What did your younger self dream of? Look around—how much of that do you already have? - Celebrate Small Wins
High performers often gloss over achievements in search of the next big one. Pause. Breathe. Celebrate. You don’t need a Nobel Prize to warrant pride. - Avoid the Comparison Trap
Social media’s highlight reel fuels our obsession with “more.” Someone else’s castle isn’t your blueprint.
Check Your Internal Dialogue
The Little Voice—that critical chatter in your mind—often convinces you that you’re not enough. Practicing little voice master techniques work wonders in silencing that inner saboteur.
From Hedonic Adaptation to High Performance Living
In my work as a Certified High Performance Coach, I’ve seen a common thread: people don’t lack success—they lack fulfillment. And that’s a game-changer.
High Performance Living means that true success isn’t about ticking off achievements. It’s about sustained excellence coupled with well-being and joy. That means redefining success as an inside job.
Consider the 3Cs Framework—Competence, Congruence, Connection:
- Competence: Keep growing your skills, but let go of perfectionism.
- Congruence: Align your actions with your core values. Chasing promotions that don’t serve your purpose? Time to rethink.
- Connection: Deep relationships bring more lasting joy than any title or material possession.
The Impostor Syndrome Factor: Always Feeling “Less Than”
Another saboteur in this game? Impostor syndrome. It loves to whisper, “You just got lucky,” or, “They’ll find out you’re not that competent.” Sound familiar?
This sneaky mindset thrives in high-achievers, especially in environments where you’re one of the few—whether as a woman, a person of colour, or someone from a non-traditional background.
But here’s the truth: feeling like an impostor doesn’t make you one. It makes you human.
The Rethinking Impostor Syndrome™ framework outlines clear, actionable tools to dismantle these self-limiting thoughts. One of the most powerful? Reframing. Instead of seeing impostor feelings as a flaw, view them as a sign you’re pushing your boundaries—and that’s where growth happens.
Building a Foundation of Enough
So, how do we stop the cycle of “today’s more is tomorrow’s not enough”?
- Practice Gratitude (Really Practice It)
I know—it’s cliché. But gratitude isn’t about fluffy affirmations; it’s about rewiring your brain to notice what’s working. Keep a gratitude journal. Reflect on it daily. Over time, your baseline happiness resets. - Redefine Success
Stop chasing society’s checklist. Define your own. Maybe it’s deeper connections. More creativity. Less stress. More freedom. What does success really look like? Sound like? Feel like? To You? - Find Joy in the Journey
High performance isn’t about burnout—it’s about engagement. Find projects, people, and passions that energise you, not drain you. - Care for Yourself—First
As Audre Lorde wisely said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgent. It is self-preservation.” Whether it’s setting boundaries, taking mental health days, or simply saying “no” more often, self-care is foundational, not a luxury.
It’s time to stop chasing castles in the air and start investing in the real house you’ve already built. Does that mean you stop striving? Of course not. Ambition is beautiful. But when ambition is rooted in purpose and joy—not lack—you build something truly lasting.
So, the next time you hear that voice whispering, “More, more, more,” pause and ask:
“What if what I have right now… is enough?”
Because often, it is. We just need to slow down long enough to see it.
If this has been useful for you I’d love you to share it with your friends or anyone else you think may find it useful.
Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success. And it starts by recognising that you might already be closer than you think.
Your Coach
Stephanie
Ready to Ignite Your SPARK?
As a Certified High Performance, Wayfinder and Imposter Syndrome Informed Coach, I’m here to support you on this transformative journey. Whether it’s in your career, health, or relationships, my coaching programs are designed to help you achieve heightened and sustained levels of performance and potential. Are you ready to embrace these inner shifts then let’s embark on this journey together!
Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:
Join our IYS Community – to connect with like-minded individuals focused on increasing their ENGAGEMENT, CONFIDENCE & JOY in work (and life)
Access your FREE Online Training – and learn how you can immediately hit higher levels of performance and potential in all you do!
Take the High Performance Questionnaire – to understand if you’re ready to go to the next level and live a life full of engagement, joy and confidence…
Book a Chat – so we can breakthrough what you’re currently challenged with and take the next action towards living the life of your dreams!
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