I was asleep for 40 years.

Let me explain.

For all my life, I had lived by the plan laid down by my family, society and culture. I was a relatively ‘good’ girl, did well at school, went to university, got a good job, got married, bought a house and had a child.

And at the age of 29 I was ready to take my own life.

Why, when by all accounts I was relatively ‘successful’? Because deep down I was miserable. Deep down the person I knew I could be was lost. Deep down I felt cheated and believed there was no way out other than to end my life. But my newborn daughter ‘saved’ me, I was conscious enough to realise she needed me and I was the one person who was ultimately responsible for her – having given her life and brought her into the world.

A year later I was separated and on my way to being divorced. I had moved out on my own and saw my daughter only every other week. I was lost. I knew I had made the right decision to leave my then husband but I still didn’t know how I was going to be ‘happy’. And for the next 10 years I muddled around. In fact I pretty much re-lived my life by the plan laid down by my family, society and culture. I continued my corporate career, bought another house, had two more children and remarried. Of course I thought that this was the answer because it was with the “right” man this time. But lo and behold one year after being remarried I once again found myself ‘unhappy’. It was at this time that my younger brother introduced my husband Adrian and I to his mentor Blair Singer. To be honest I wasn’t interested, but in the attempt to be a supportive wife, I said I would accompany Adrian since he had just recently started his own entrepreneurial endeavor.

And it changed my life.

To this day, I can viscerally recall the point at which I felt the “universal slap” that woke me up and ignited my SPARK. I could almost hear the admonishment from the universe asking me ‘what had I been doing all this time – had I been sleepwalking?’ And the hard honest truth was, I had been. It was time for me to wake up, be personally accountable and take control of MY life.

And I have never looked back.

The best way I am able to describe the SPARK that was ignited in me is in 5 steps:

S = Spirit

I realised my self-esteem and self-concept needed real work. I have since learned and continue to work through the 6 pillars of self-esteem as laid out by Nathanial Brandon. As well as work with another mentor Mack Newton who explains “You can never outperform your self concept, you can only perform in a manner consistent with your self concept, no matter how much you may want to or practice, the only thing you can do is change your self concept. Your self concept is malleable although it is not easy to change, but changing it is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself.”

P = Performance

I had been fairly blessed that my level of performance during my 40 years of sleep walking was adequate enough so that I had been more or less successful by the standards set by my family, society and culture. But I knew deep down it was no where near the potential I really had. So I took control, learned and tested quite a few concepts, and have found the elements of High Performance i.e. Clarity, Energy, Courage, Productivity and Influence to be the ones that make a sustainable difference.

A = Authenticity

For too long I was the model woman of who I thought I had to be, not for myself, but for others. It continuously caused me internal conflict between the person I was at work, the person I was at home and the person I was in my own mind. There is so much literature regarding authenticity that there is a wealth of knowledge to learn from and implement. But at its core for me, authenticity meant I needed to be true to my spirit, that my values, beliefs, attitude and behavior all had to align with my self-esteem and self-concept. Another reason to work on my Spirit first!

R = Resilience

This is one I struggled with for a long time. During my 40 year sleep I had been led to believe that I wasn’t a very resilient person. That the slightest injury to my self-esteem or impact to my emotional state would leave me in a blubbering mess. But strangely I have also learned since waking from my 40 year slumber that one of my greatest strengths, empathy, is the foundation for the high degree of resilience I do have and continue to shore up.

K = Knowledge

Of course not all of my “sleepwalking” was ineffective. I have always had a huge appetite for knowledge and learning, however upon being woken up the shift from learning what I was “supposed” to learn (for school, university, job) to what would directly benefit me and my personal development and growth is what has made all the difference. But it is an ongoing journey and one that I now thoroughly enjoy every step of the way.

I have worked at defining my overarching purpose in life to be a joyous positive influence, to adore and appreciate my loved ones and live life passionately so that I might gracefully inspire others to courageously ignite their own SPARK and live life more fully.

Over the next few posts I will spend more time going into a little more detail about each of the 5 steps to Ignite Your SPARK and I’d love for you to join me!

If you have any thoughts or input about this post please be sure to like and leave your comments or if you want to know more, click on the link and let’s have a chat 🙂

Ignite Your SPARK – Step #1 Unleash Your Spirit

Ignite Your SPARK – Step #2 Power Your Performance

Ignite Your SPARK – Step #3 Act with Authenticity

Ignite Your SPARK – Step #4 Rebound with Resilience

Ignite Your SPARK – Step #5 Hone Your Knowledge